Chat transcript from Day 144 (Today, April 14, 2009) since our decision to make a feature…

(10:26:59 AM) Tyler: Had I dream I was shooting On Golden Pond on video, guerrilla style.
(10:27:29 AM) Dennis:
(10:27:36 AM) Dennis: That’s kinda messed up.
(10:28:05 AM) Tyler: The weirdest part was when Henry Fonda and Jane Fonda were sitting out on the deck.  And she said she was going skinny dipping.  Then she opened her robe, revealing boobage.
(10:28:52 AM) Tyler: To which Henry said, “I don’t usually go for skinny dipping…  but there’s something about the way the light is hitting my daughter…”
(10:29:27 AM) Tyler: We then had a few more scenes to shoot.
(10:30:16 AM) Tyler: Apparently, one of them involved Henry Fonda shooting at me and Dabney Coleman with some kind of bean bag rifle.
(10:30:32 AM) Tyler: Although he started doing that when I wasn’t shooting,
(10:30:49 AM) Tyler: sending me and Dabney rolling down a hill, scampering to get away.
(10:31:15 AM) Tyler: May have been shouting at us, to.  Possibly about staying away from his daughter.
(10:32:07 AM) Tyler: The dream ended when I realized the bean bag impacts actually felt pretty good on my lower back, cause I had some back pain.
(10:32:32 AM) Tyler: So I laid there and tried to get hit in the right place.
(10:33:36 AM) Dennis: You ain’t right.
(10:34:05 AM) Tyler: How creepy is Henry Fonda, though?
(10:34:17 AM) Tyler: And an asshole, too.
(10:34:28 AM) Dennis: Pretty creepy. But he did help your back.
(10:34:53 AM) Tyler: True.  Not on purpose.  Dabney was screaming at me to get away.
(10:35:13 AM) Tyler: He’s a good guy to get into a scrap with.

Many people do not discuss the toll that working on a film takes on a person.  Coppola showed in quite nicely in Hearts of Darkness.  However, I am a bit worried that if Tyler is this crazy now… he may eat his own foot during an attempt to kidnap Dabney Coleman, shouting, “The Old Poop will never get us, will he Dabney! Me and you, Dabney! Me and you! Want a taste of my foot?”

We have not posted anything for the past 2 weeks, and for good reason: I have finished writing the first draft of the script for our next project. More details will be forthcoming, but suffice it to say this is a low-budget action/horror feature in the woods, with action and horror and woods. That’s right, I said FEATURE. Members of the Monkey Ltd Inner Circle of Truth and Justice have all been given the script and the verdict is unanimous: it is as good as I just described. Even gooder.

Tyler and I have been going through the script, making notes, discussing changes, contemplating feasibility. It is going to be a tremendous undertaking, under very limiting conditions. But we, like most independent filmmakers, are used to it.  Not nearly at this level, but who cares. We are ready to pwn this shit, and we plan to invite all along for our journey as we document and share the entire experience, good or bad, via blogs, behind-the-scenes videos, and podcasts.

The end goal being, of course, distribution.

Which leads to my explaination of the title of this posting. See, if there is anything we have learned in this dog-gone crazy world of film, it’s that audiences (and distributors, and marketers) love them some titties. There are what I call the 4 T’s of getting distributed: Talent, Terror, Titties, and Tae-Bo (a name cast, gore, the aforementioned breastacles, and action). In my opinion, the main reason you see some of these films on video rental shelves (and on Sci-Fi) is that they have at least 3 of the 4 elements.

[NOTE: This extremely shallow and one-side bullshit I am spewing is in regards to low-budget distribution. It in no way meant to discount or disparage the thousands, if not dozens of quality films that get distributed every year for legitimate reasons. I mean, if I was right would we ever get to see  movies like The Hottie & the Nottie, 10,000 BC, and The Love Guru. I think not.]

We have the action and the gore covered.  However, this script is severely lacking in the titty and talent departments.  It’s four dudes and a thing, and we have no budget for talent.  So unless we make the thing a she (we could call the flick She Nekkid!) or shift our target demographic by showing the dudes’ dingly-danglies, we got nothing.

So,  even though the script does not call for it and we can in no way justify it, I am putting it out there: shows us your titties and get in our movie*.  Then, distribution is inevitable!

That, or we just cross our fingers that someone out there will appreciate a smart, high-concept, low-budget action/horror in the woods, with action and horror and woods and no titties. But a damn fine story.

*This offer is in no way official or supported by Monkey Ltd, it’s Circle of Truth and Justice, or its subsidiaries. It is jokes. Put your titties away before you hurt someone.